Because I'm Sosuke Aizen
by Infernal Blossom
Summary: And Aizen wonders why he can't get any... Rated T for some language


**Author's Note: **_Hey__, ~Infernal Blossom here. Author of '__Those Green Eyes'__ and __'Blood and Iron'__. I decided to do something a little different this time, seeing how I've been busy with pure fanfictions ever since July._

_A while back, my friend and I were talking on the phone about Bleach (of course), and a thought popped into my mind. Now, we all know that there are ten members of the Espada in total. BUT...only one of them's a female Arrancar. So let's say that before Neliel and Tia and all the other female Arrancars got involved, and the Espada started out with only guys... How did female Arrancars come to be in the first place? _

_Now, I know that the Espada existed WAY before Aizen came into the picture, but let's say for a second that Neliel had already turned into a child and that Tia didn't exist until Aizen created her. Just for kicks, go along with it._

_In this little drabble of mine, we'll find out how a bunch of perverted Arrancars came up with what was, in their minds, possibly the greatest idea since using the Hougyoku to create chaos! XD And we also see the proof that no matter how hard he tries, Aizen will NEVER get any! xDD_

_...Oh, yeah, I don't own Bleach or its characters. Blah blah. Blah. So, oneshot crackfic ahoy!_

* * *

Tia Halibel walked through the halls of Las Noches. She was headed toward Aizen's quarters. He'd summoned her there, stating that there was an important matter he needed to discuss with her. The Treca Espada groaned. She absolutely despised Sosuke Aizen, down to his last ounce of spiritual pressure. Everything about the ex-Soul Reaper made her sick to her stomach, _especially_ that smirk of his. Sure, Gin's smile had its creepy factors to it, but Aizen's...his smile just sent a horrible chill down her spine. That, along with his perverted mind, were the things she hated most about him.

With every step closer the female Arrancar took, she tried to figure out what it was he wanted this time. Seeing how twisted his mind was, the possibilities were endless. She sighed and just continued walking down the hallway, stopping for a second in front of the large double doors. "Well...here goes." Tia pushed open the doors and entered the room. Her green eyes caught sight of the brown haired man sitting on his throne, the very expression that disgusted her plastered across his face.

"Ah, welcome, Tia," he greeted her, a warm tone to his voice. "I'm glad you've decided to come." The blond haired woman, despite hating him so, bowed to him. She actually liked living, and wasn't about to get herself killed. "There is something I wish to discuss with you."

She stood up and crossed her arms. "What is it that you wanted, Lord Aizen?" _Lord Aizen..._ she thought to herself, _'Lord Aizen' my ass! Only thing he could somehow be lord of is lord of sick bastards!_

Aizen folded his hands together and rested his chin on top of them. "I have a little story I want to share with you. It's about your creation, actually-"

"Not interested," Tia interrupted. "Why don't you tell your stories to your lap dog, Ulquiorra?"

The brown eyed man pretended to pout. "Because Ulquiorra's no fun. He never looks like he's intrigued by my stories. He's just there to take orders."

"What about Grimmjow?"

"He never listens to me or my problems. I'm actually surprised that I haven't killed him yet. Besides-" He flash stepped, reappearing right in front of her- "you're my favorite."

Hearing this made Tia roll her eyes and groan. "But I don't want to be your favorite. I never did, Aizen." She turned away from him. His presence was making her feel nauseous.

"No, Tia. You don't have a choice on whether or not you're my favorite." His eyes trailed down, stopping at her chest, moving back up to her face before she could notice. "And do you know why you don't have a choice? Because I'm Sosuke Aizen."

Tia huffed and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she replied, "as long as I can get the hell out of here afterwards."

Aizen smirked. "Good." He started pacing the floor in front of her. "You see, it all started back in the Soul Society. There was this Soul Reaper. Rangiku Matsumoto. She had this...beautiful body." His hands moved around, shaping out curves in the air. "I mean, you just wanted to...-" Tia closed her eyes, knowing what he was getting at.

"So she basically had a DD chest?"

"Hey, that's an understatement. She could kill with that glorious rack of hers." A perverted grin appeared on his face for a second or two. "Anyway, I knew that she was the only one for me. But there was someone in the way of me getting what I wanted. Her little shit of a captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya. There was no way I could get past him, so eventually, I was forced to give up. Then there was another, who became my Lieutenant. Momo Hinamori. She would always follow me around. I ignored her at first, but then I figured, 'Hey, free blow jobs!' But eventually, I grew tired of her, so I got rid of her the one way I knew I could. You wanna know how? I stabbed her. Right through the stomach. The I took the Hougyoku from that little Kuchiki brat and left the Soul Society. And do you know why I did all this?" She didn't even bother to try answering. "Because I'm Sosuke Aizen."

The green eyed Arrancar shook her head. "So you're telling me that I'm based off of some Soul Reaper with a large chest?"

"Hey, hey. I'm not done yet." Tia groaned. "Like I was saying, I left the Soul Society and became leader of the Espada. One day, we were holding a meeting..."

**-Flashback-**

"Does anyone have anything to add before we adjourn this meeting?" Sosuke Aizen asked his Espada bretherin. The nine male Arrancars and three ex-Soul Reaper were all seated in the large meeting room, with Aizen at the head of the table. Ulquiorra Schiffer, one of his most loyal followers, was seated to his left. The same expressionless looked lingered on his face as always.

To his right was Ulquiorra's polar opposite, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. Unlike the quiet black haired Hollow sitting across from him, his face showed some sort of emotion – an annoyed look in his light blue eyes, matching colored hair spiking out in all directions. He had his arms crossed, tapping his fingers on the table top impatiently. After staying silent for a moment more, he could no longer keep how he felt bottled up inside. Grimmjow stood up from his seat and slammed his hands on the table. "Yeah, I've got something to say." Ulquiorra rolled his emerald eyes at the lower-ranked Espada, but he ignored it. "We're the most powerful Arrancar in Hueco Mundo, and... god, it's a total sausage fest in here! I mean, come on! NO females? The ratio is horrible! And because of Spoon Man over there-" he pointed at Nnoitra- "we lost the only female we had!"

Nnoitra Jiruga folded his hands behind his head, smirking sadistically. "What? She was getting on my nerves, so I got rid of her! I don't see what the big deal is. Quit being such a pansy ass, Grimmjow." The Sexta Espada growled and opened his mouth to protest, but Aizen interrupted the quarrel.

"Grimmjow proves a point. It does seem quite unfair that there are no female Espada. Perhaps a woman among the ranks wouldn't be such a bad idea..."

**-End Flashback-**

She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. Tia expected anything that came out of Aizen's mouth to be horrible, but THIS... This was beyond words. "Are you done NOW?" she asked him, more annoyed that when she first walked in. Aizen nodded, smiling like he always did. "Let me see if I understand. I was basically created to be the whore of the Espada?" She slapped her hand to her face. "I should've known. Why else would you make me dress like this and half my boobs nearly exposed?" The blond arrancar turned around and headed for the door. She couldn't take another second being in the same room as Aizen.

"Where do you think you're going, Tia Halibel?" she heard him ask. Reluctantly, she turned back to face her leader and tell him off. But her voice fell silent when her eyes caught sight of what was in front of her. Aizen had thrown off his coat and loosened his robe, leaving his chest fully exposed. "I'm not finished with you just yet." He motioned her to come back into the room, and as much as she didn't want to, went back in. She stopped in front of him, arms crossed. "Strip."

"Excuse me?" She rose an eyebrow.

"You heard me, Tia. I am not going to repeat myself." His grin grew wider.

The green eyed woman groaned. "Why on earth would I do...THAT?"

"You know why." Tia couldn't believe this. Then again...it was Aizen she was dealing with, so she should've seen it coming.

She sighed heavily. "Because you're Sosuke Aizen-"

"Dammit, because I'm Sosuke Aizen!" he exclaimed. "Now strip!"

Tia knew there was no way she was going to get out of this. Summoning the last bit of her self respect, she slowly unzipped her shirt. Aizen sat back, folding his hands together. His brown orbs grew wider, his face flushing. By the time she'd completely opened her top, Aizen's face was redder than Grimmjow's Cero. He was completely frozen. She took this chance and swung her leg, ramming her foot right into his pride. The leader of the Espada keeled over and reached his hands to his pride. Tia zipped her shirt closed and immediately went for the door, leaving Aizen to fall on his face and cringe.

Outside, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were eavesdropping on the conversation. Grimmjow was on the verge of falling to the floor and laughing his ass off when the door opened, throwing him into the wall. Tia stormed out, glaring at the two lower ranked Espada. Grimmjow pulled himself out of the wall, cracking up. "Hey, Halibel, whatsa matter? Does the truth hur-" He was interrupted by a kick to the crotch. Like his leader, he fell to the ground, doubled over in pain. Arrancar or not, crotch kicks hurt like hell, especially from a higher ranked one. "Gah! God...dammit!" She marched down the hall, fuming. Ulquiorra stood next to the blue haired arrancar.

"Didn't I tell you she gets very frustrated when you make comments like that?" he told him, shoving his hands in his pockets. Down the hall, they could hear several more shrieks of pain. Ulquiorra's emerald eyes glanced toward the corner, and spotted Nnoitra crawling from behind the wall. He shook his head. "Nnoitra, do you ever learn?"

"What?" He dragged himself to his superior. "I didn't say anything!"

"Right..." Ulquiorra strolled away from Grimmjow, not bothering to help him up. "And you imbiciles wonder why I don't associate with women."

Grimmjow managed to pull himself up, panting from the pain. "Damn emo... Thanks for helping me up!" He growled and shook his head, muttering to himself. "Now I wish I hadn't opened my big mouth..."


End file.
